


This Has to End (No it Won't)

by BeeboIsHigh



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1930s, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Splash of angst, two disaster gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 05:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20559155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeboIsHigh/pseuds/BeeboIsHigh
Summary: Bucky has to leave for a date. Steve doesn't want him to go.OrSteve and Bucky are in love but the world ain't ready for it yet.





	This Has to End (No it Won't)

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my favorite work, but I still like it so...I hope you enjoy!!! Please leave kudos and comments, and feedback is ALWAYS welcome!

"Stevie! Are you ready to go yet? Come on, I promised Jean and Edith we would be at the dance hall by 8." Bucky's voice came from the small living room in the Brooklyn apartment he shared with Steve. Bucky was quickly getting impatient. What had gotten into Steve? "Steve!" He called a second time, only to hear another bout of silence. Exasperated, Bucky marched over to their shared room, finding Steve sitting on his (their) bed. He was looking down, staring at nothing. He wasn't dressed to go anywhere either, wearing nothing but his underwear and one of Bucky's shirts.

"Steve? What's going on?" Bucky asked, slowly approaching the smaller man. 

"I'm not going." It was a simple response, emotionless and empty sounding. Bucky felt his stomach drop in response.

"What do ya mean? C'mon Steve, I promised the girls we would take them out, show them a good time." Bucky was trying to coax Steve out of his mood, but it was clearly having the opposite effect.

"You can still go, God knows they'd appreciate that. The poor one that would've ended up with me will be thanking the Lord." Steve's tone was bitter with a hint of sadness. He still hadn't looked up from his lap.

"Stevie, not this again. Edith is sweet, she won't mind. I think you'll like her lots. Come on, you'll never know until you go." Bucky tried again, this time putting his hand under Steve's chin and slowly lifting his head up to meet Bucky's gaze. Steve's eyes were wet, like he was about to cry. He refused to make eye contact, staring pointedly at Bucky's nose.

After a long moment, Steve finally spoke. "You know she'll get one look at me and tag along at your side the whole night. Every girl you bring that you swear is sweet does it. Not their fault, I don't blame them. Who wants to dance with a 95 pound bag of bones with asthma and partial deafness? If I were a pretty dame, I know I could get better," He said, voice sounding thin, like it was on the verge of breaking. Bucky felt something wet on his hand that was still holding Steve's head up, and upon closer inspection, he found that Steve was crying. He also knew that Steve was lying. Steve didn't cry over girls who didn't want him. He took their dissatisfaction with a grain of salt, but it never upset him to the point of tears. 

"What are you really upset about, Stevie?" Bucky asked, trying to cut to the thing that was causing his stubborn, brave Steve to cry. Steve sniffled, and finally met Bucky's eyes with his own. He stayed silent and still for a long moment. 

Suddenly, Steve lunged and kissed Bucky as hard as he could. Their lips crashed violently, but Bucky kissed Steve back, despite the pain. That was it. That was the reason. Steve was relentless in the kiss, biting and trying to leave a mark on Bucky, as if he could claim him. His hands held Bucky's face, keeping him in place. Bucky let Steve lead the kiss, resting his hands over Steve's, allowing him to control for a while.

When air was necessary, Steve broke away, but still stayed so close that their noses were touching. Bucky caught his breath and whispered, "Stevie, we can't do this forever. If anyone found out..." Bucky trailed off, not needing to say anything else to get his point across. Steve looked at him with a hurt look, and then climbed into Bucky's lap and wrapped his small frame around him. 

"I know, I know, but Bucky, how am I supposed to give you up? No dame can treat me like you. You're the only one who doesn't look at me like you feel sorry for me. You listen to me, and nobody else does. You call me pretty, you hold me, you beat me up when I ask, how can I ever find anyone that can do what you do? You don't wanna go either, I know you don't. Please Bucky, don't make me leave you. I'll never love anyone the way I love you," Steve sobbed into Bucky's neck, maintaining his death grip on Bucky. 

Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve and held him. He knew he was only making things worse, but Steve had a point. Everyone was so blind to how amazing Steve was, Steve included. Bucky loved Steve with everything, but he was always worried about their safety. They had to be so incredibly discrete that any slip caused paranoia for a week. Being so hidden wasn't easy, either. Steve was partially deaf, and he sometimes spoke louder than he should, simply because he couldn't hear himself. This caused a problem during sex, because as much as Bucky loved all of Steve's noises, it wasn't worth a neighbor finding out about their relationship. Bucky was also always pressured by the men he worked with to find a girl. Hence, the constant dates, aka desperate attempts to hide what he had with Steve. And maybe, maybe they could find girls to call their own and break away from each other. Bucky wanted Steve safe, had always wanted Steve safe, and the closer he was to Bucky, the further he was from safety. The two of them had so many things in their lives that could cause suspicion, and they were constantly in danger. But the two of them both knew that being separated would kill them much faster than any group of homophones could ever dream.

"Steve, I love you too. I don't want this to end either. But we can't ever be safe this way. What are we gonna do when one of us slips up? What if one day I forget to close the curtains at night and the neighbors across see me kiss you goodnight? What happens when you're too loud one night? When something slips out in conversation? What do we do when people start to know? Steve, we could die. I could never forgive myself if you got hurt because of me. Hell, even if it wasn't because of me, I'd never forgive myself. I want you to live a long, happy life, Stevie." Bucky finished his statement, holding back his own tears. It was killing him to force himself away from the best person he'd ever met. His words held no real power, reluctance making them strained and clearly showing the lack of sincerity within them.

"We can run away. Nobody would care. We could just go. Live somewhere else. Start a new life. We could live in the middle of a forest and nobody would know or care. We can move to a new city, away from everything we know and live in a shitty apartment like this. We could live on a farm somewhere and do anything we wanted to, whenever we wanted to. I don't care where we go, if we're together, it'll be okay," Steve rushed out, breathing heavily.

"Oh baby, it's not that easy. You aren't stupid Stevie, you know it won't be like that. We'll be lucky if we even get down the street. Everything won't magically be fine because you're with me. You know that." Bucky pulled away and cupped Steve's face in his hands, leaning down to kiss him again, against his better judgement. Steve returned it, much gentler this time.

"I don't care. Anything hurts less than us being forced apart," Steve said against Bucky's lips. 

"You're a real stubborn one, aren't ya?" Bucky said, pulling back. 

"Don't make me go. I won't be able to find interest in a girl. It'll be pointless."

"I promise, Stevie. You don't gotta worry, I won't leave you. I think we can make this work a little longer, I can't give you up this easy, you know that. It's just...we gotta keep up the image. I know you don't like to go out with the girls, but we gotta do something or else...y'know..." Bucky trailed off. Steve sniffled and nodded. 

"You can go see the girls. I'll stay back here, yeah? Just tell 'em I'm sick again. They'll believe it. I'm just...not feeling up to seeing you dance with someone else tonight. Sorry," Steve said, voice quiet. Bucky sighed, but Steve felt him nod.

"I'll be back before midnight. I love you, Stevie." Bucky reluctantly let go of Steve and forced himself up. 

Steve moved to the edge of the bed and grabbed Bucky's arm, pulling him down to kiss him again. When they broke apart, Steve smiled an evil grin. "Ya may wanna look at your lip before ya go. Don't want the girls thinkin you're a sleaze, ain't that right, Buck?"

Bucky groaned and went to look at his reflection in the small mirror they kept on the nightstand. Sure enough, his bottom lip looked bitten up, and was previously bleeding. "Dammit Steve," Bucky mumbled, hurrying to wipe the dried blood off and fix his hair. 

Steve laughed from his spot on the bed and waved at Bucky as the taller man ran out in a desperate attempt to be on time for his meeting. Steve, alone at last, sighed. He knew Bucky loved him, and he knew that Bucky would never leave him, but the nagging voice in his head that told him Bucky would leave him didn't seem to shut up. Still, Steve let himself flop down onto the bed, pull the blankets over him, cuddle up to Bucky's pillow, and fall asleep, taking comfort in the fact that when he woke up, Bucky would be there, holding him and reminding him that he wasn't alone.

~~~

Bucky returned at around a quarter to eleven. He crept through the house and went into the bedroom. He was met with a sleeping Steve, looking like a little angel with his soft blonde hair and long eyelashes. Bucky quickly undressed and climbed into bed, pulling his Stevie closer.

One day, this had to end, Bucky told himself, though deep down he knew that as long as they lived, Steve would always be by his side. Bucky drifted off, and all was quiet in the small Brooklyn apartment the two soulmates called home.


End file.
